When someone we care about is struggling, we want to help. Often that help comes in the form of a solution.
“Have you tried _______________?”
“You should _____________!”
“If you had done __________, then this would not have happened.”
While problem-solving or offering perspectives can be helpful at times, Job 13 cautions us against this approach as a default response. This is the approach taken by Job’s friends, however, it does not prove helpful. So, what should we do? How can we be helpful in the midst of others’ suffering?
First, we admit humility and avoid prideful advice. In verses 1-2, Job declares that he knows what the friends know, he is not inferior to them. If offering advice, we must do so humbly, refraining from condescension, and turn our efforts to encouragement. We do not have an exclusive deal with God. Prideful advice is a form of judgement, and judgement is not helpful or loving to the suffering. Jesus declared, “For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world,” in John 12:47.
Next, we acknowledge we are not God. This sounds simple, but in our efforts to make earthly sense of situations, we often rely on our human reasoning and proclaim it as truth. In verses, 7-12, Job admonitions the friends for speaking for God, and we must be careful not to do the same. We like to have answers, but we are not God. In Isaiah 55:8-9, God declares “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”
Finally, we sit in the silence. Job declares, in verse 5, “Oh that you would be completely silent, and that it would become your wisdom!” When others suffer, they need sympathy and support, which often sounds like silence. We give them space to grieve, provide permission to be honest, and validate their difficult emotions. We remind them of God’s love through our love.
Job calls us to set aside what we know or think should be done in moments of others’ suffering. He begs us to sit in the quiet moments with others’ pain, acknowledge we don’t have the answers, and simply admit we don’t have any words, but we have His love to share.